Beautiful Angel
by PopTartz
Summary: Angel is confused about her sexuality and falls in love, and out of it.
1. Mimi's Hair

(A/N: Yes, Angel is still alive. Why? Because I want her to be. Humph.)

"Your hair is gorgeous, girl!"

Mimi grinned and looked over her shoulder at Angel. They were sitting in Mimi's apartment while the rest of the gang was out for the day. Mimi and Angel were the only two left who weren't busy, so they decided to spend the afternoon having some girl time and watching movies. Angel was sitting on the couch and Mimi was sitting on the floor in front of her. Angel was playing with Mimi's mane of soft, curly brown hair. They had been making small talk all day and enjoyed the quiet afternoon together. Angel was on the sixth braid, deciding that maybe if she had the time, she would braid Mimi's entire head. Why not? It was a lazy day, and Mimi's hair was so pretty. Mimi seemed to be engrossed in the movie, but Angel was seeing it for her fourth time, so most of the surprises were predictable by now. Instead, Angel let her mind wander.

Collins was back at NYU, so teaching had put a bit of a damper on their time together. He seemed older now, and more tired now. He came home every night, with nothing put papers to grade and minimal time for Angel. She knew it was for the best. They wouldn't be moving to Santa Fe anytime soon, so something had to pay the bills. Their relationship had become odd, though. Angel knew she loved Collins. Didn't she? While Collins was aging at NYU, Angel felt like she was changing, too. She didn't feel her heart skip a beat when she pictured him in her mind. She didn't blush when she whispered her name. The strangest part? Her wig was starting to feel itchy. Her skirts felt a bit awkward, and her shoes were getting hard to walk in. She wasn't quite sure what was happening to her. She hoped she wasn't falling out of love with Collins. She had really thought they'd be together forever. She wanted to kick herself for wanting anything else. She didn't even know what she wanted. She knew what she didn't want. She didn't want Collins to get older. She didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to be anything less than he deserved, which was extremely difficult for her. She sighed, now on her 12th braid. She gave Mimi's hair a little tug, not really knowing why. She turned around.

"Are you going to braid my whole head?" she asked playfully, cocking her head at Angel. Angel smiled and shrugged.

"Actually, I had planned on it." Mimi giggled.

"I'd look like a clown."

"Nah," Angel replied, separating three more strands. Mimi could run around in a polka-dotted fat suit and still look fab.

That evening, Angel was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling when Collins walked in. He gave Angel a tired smile and set his briefcase down. "Hey, baby," he rumbled. He walked past her, but paused to kiss her on the forehead. It didn't make Angel's heart flutter. She wished it would. He sat down at his desk and got to work. Angel rolled over and watched him. It was like he wasn't Collins anymore. It was like someone had hollowed him out a little bit. He wasn't quite as full of life. Quite as full of his love for the world has he had once been. It made Angel feel a little hollow herself.

(A/N: Whoo! There's chapter one. Please review! Maybe it will give me some inspiration to finish chapter 2. Things are pretty tame now, but it will get exciting soon. Once again, REVIEW!)


	2. Mark's Advice

"Something's different

"Something's different. I just can't put my finger on it." Mark mused aloud with a smirk on his face. Angel rolled her eyes and walked past him into Mark and Roger's apartment. "Did you do something to your hair?" Angel played along.

"Oh, just a trim. Can't believe you noticed." The truth was that the Angel who was braiding Mimi's hair yesterday was hardly the one Mark was looking at. An eye untrained for drag may not even think she was the same person. Angel ditched the wig and girl clothes, wearing simple men's jeans and a zip up hoodie. No makeup, no trace of a drag queen. Mark shut the door behind her.

"So what's up?" Angel took a seat on Mark's couch, first sitting with her legs crossed and perching, but that felt strange, even though she'd been sitting like that for as long as she could remember. She then tried slumping down and leaving her legs open. Mark picked up on her discomfort. "You okay, honey?" He joked, referring to Angel's pickup line she had used on Collins so long ago. Mark thought he was being sweet, but Angel cringed inwardly. "Any reason we're trying to pick up on our masculine side today?" Angel shrugged casually, as if she'd hardly noticed that it had taken only 15 minutes to get ready this morning instead of the usual 2 and a half hour routine.

"I dunno," Angel replied. "Just didn't really feel like dressing up today." Mark eyed her suspiciously anyway. Damn Mark. He had a filmmaker's eye. An eye for observation, and very careful observation at that. He didn't buy Angel's façade anymore than she did.

Mark looked more serious now. "Honesty time?" He asked, even though it was more a command than a question. Angel shifted uncomfortably again. She wasn't even quite sure what the honest truth was, she supposed Mark would help her figure it out on the way.

"Things... don't feel right." She began tentatively.

"Okay," Mark pressed.

"I don't feel like myself."

"That's evident." said Mark, glancing at her casual outfit.

Angel took a deep breath. It was time to admit what she had been dreading this whole time. "I don't know how to feel about Collins anymore."

Mark's face fell. Angel knew this news would sadden him. After the incident with Maureen, Mark had sworn off of love for a while. He kept content with observing love. Enjoying it from afar, and basking in the glow of his friends' happiness. That was enough for him right now. He really didn't want to see the golden couple break up. Angel knew. Angel didn't want that either, but she didn't know what else to do.

Mark ran a hand through his hair. "Well, what's the problem?"

Angel sighed. "I don't know how to explain. We're both changing. I can feel it. Teaching again is taking a toll on him. Hollowing him out. He's... just not the spunky Collins I used to know. Being around him makes me feel... empty."

Mark nodded grimly. He wanted to give advice, but he knew anything that came out of his mouth would be pro Collins and Angel, and that's not what she needed right now.

"I'm also... starting to feel weird about being a girl. I don't know, it just doesn't feel as natural anymore. I'm thinking... that I want to be a little more of a... boy?"

Mark frowned. He certainly never thought he'd see the day. He tried for a moment to picture Angel as masculine, but drew a blank. He shook his head, hardly wrapped around the idea yet.

"Well..." He frowned and absentmindedly scratched the back of his head. "I mean, whatever you want, Angel. You'll always be Angel to me."

Angel's eyes brightened. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course. Girl, boy, he, she, it, whatever." He grinned.

"That's a relief." Angel replied. Her face fell. "But what about Collins?"

Mark twisted up his face. He hated the idea of them splitting. "I think you know what I want. But it's what you want that's important. Just, do whatever you think is right, I guess."

Angel sighed and stood up, knowing that was the best answer she was going to get. "Well, I guess I have some thinking to do."

"Yeah," Mark agreed, standing up as well. "I'll see you around, Ang."

She headed for the door and was opening it when Mark said, "Angel?"

She turned. "Yeah?"

"You know how much Collins loves you, right?"

Angel's face twisted in pain.

"Yes, Mark. Of course I do."


End file.
